Why I Don't Kill Myself

I suspect that when this body dies that the psychological sickness that has haunted my life will die with it. But at the same time I fear that the CAUSE of the sickness will persist in one form or another after my death. And that is why getting at the cause of my sickness is so important to me.

If I thought the cause would somehow die with this body then I would destroy it myself without hesitation. I have no reason to doubt this kind of resolve, since my history bears my tendency to put principle before my own life. The thoughts I think may be subject to the disease I suffer and therefore are not to be trusted. But, what I do, and have done in the past, is subject only to my true nature, and therefore can be trusted to illustrate the truth. So I am as sure as I can be that the cause of my sickness is not in my body, or my mind. For if it were then I would have killed myself long ago.