I suspect that when this body dies that the psychological sickness that has haunted my life will die with it. But at the same time I fear that the CAUSE of the sickness will persist in one form or another after my death. And that is why getting at the cause of my sickness is so important to me.
If I thought the cause would somehow die with this body then I would destroy it myself without hesitation. I have no reason to doubt this kind of resolve, since my history bears my tendency to put principle before my own life. The thoughts I think may be subject to the disease I suffer and therefore are not to be trusted. But, what I do, and have done in the past, is subject only to my true nature, and therefore can be trusted to illustrate the truth. So I am as sure as I can be that the cause of my sickness is not in my body, or my mind. For if it were then I would have killed myself long ago.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Cold Compassion
Compassion is not a feeling or an emotion. To feel sorry for someone, or to feel sympathy is not compassion. I felt sorry for every person I killed. I thought that meant I was a compassionate person. I was wrong.
Compassion is the will to act out of understanding. Feeling sorry for someone often actually prevents us from being compassionate. Compassion understands emotional anguish, but it does not cater to it. True compassion is as emotionally cold as a natural predator. In fact, a true predator is driven by compassion, not lust, or wrath, or any other emotion. No rapist is ever really a true predator.
But, cold compassion is not unloving or inhuman. True compassion rises above feeble human feelings and raises us into the realm of eternal life. In truth, real compassion can only come from the eternal sense of reality, which is a world that surrounds us in space and time though we are unaware of it until our self deception (and illusion of space and time) wanes.
The emotions that we commonly call compassion (such as sympathy) lead us to do more harm than good when we turn to them for a sense of purpose. In and of themselves, these feelings are benign, and clearly even necessary. Like hunger, sympathy serves an important role toward our physical well-being. But also like hunger, sympathy can become a dangerous addiction that compels us to overfeed our egos the way hunger, when not checked, compels us to overfeed our bodies.
If you doubt what I am saying here, then you effectively doubt the wisdom and compassion of the Universe (i.e. “God”), which sadly, most people do; even professing Christians, Muslims and Jews. Consider the child that is born only to suffer a few years of poverty, disease and starvation, then dies for lack of just a few dollars worth of food and medicine. Now, consider this child living over a thousand years ago, so the lack of food and medicine is “natural”, and not any man's fault.
Is the Universe without compassion? If you say yes, then you do not yet understand what compassion is, and nor can you realize the true meaning of salvation. Salvation is the realization of true compassion.
Compassion is the will to act out of understanding. Feeling sorry for someone often actually prevents us from being compassionate. Compassion understands emotional anguish, but it does not cater to it. True compassion is as emotionally cold as a natural predator. In fact, a true predator is driven by compassion, not lust, or wrath, or any other emotion. No rapist is ever really a true predator.
But, cold compassion is not unloving or inhuman. True compassion rises above feeble human feelings and raises us into the realm of eternal life. In truth, real compassion can only come from the eternal sense of reality, which is a world that surrounds us in space and time though we are unaware of it until our self deception (and illusion of space and time) wanes.
The emotions that we commonly call compassion (such as sympathy) lead us to do more harm than good when we turn to them for a sense of purpose. In and of themselves, these feelings are benign, and clearly even necessary. Like hunger, sympathy serves an important role toward our physical well-being. But also like hunger, sympathy can become a dangerous addiction that compels us to overfeed our egos the way hunger, when not checked, compels us to overfeed our bodies.
If you doubt what I am saying here, then you effectively doubt the wisdom and compassion of the Universe (i.e. “God”), which sadly, most people do; even professing Christians, Muslims and Jews. Consider the child that is born only to suffer a few years of poverty, disease and starvation, then dies for lack of just a few dollars worth of food and medicine. Now, consider this child living over a thousand years ago, so the lack of food and medicine is “natural”, and not any man's fault.
Is the Universe without compassion? If you say yes, then you do not yet understand what compassion is, and nor can you realize the true meaning of salvation. Salvation is the realization of true compassion.
The Reason Why
To ask why I did what I did is to ask why I was born. No matter what answer you give or get, no answer will ever be all there is to it.
If you truly want to understand, do not ask “Why?”. But instead ask, “Who?”.
Asking “Why?” changes nothing, and only allows the pain to continue. But, asking “Who?” will change everything, and turns the pain into understanding, so we can grow, and so we can heal.
The answer is who I am, not why.
You are who I am.
And that, is why.
If you truly want to understand, do not ask “Why?”. But instead ask, “Who?”.
Asking “Why?” changes nothing, and only allows the pain to continue. But, asking “Who?” will change everything, and turns the pain into understanding, so we can grow, and so we can heal.
The answer is who I am, not why.
You are who I am.
And that, is why.
An Ode To The Killer
I know the reason why
I know the reason for your hate
And I know the reason for your pain
I know the reason for my love
And I know the reason we're not the same
God's Love
God's Love is the reason
And God's Love will bring you down.
I wrote the above in a small black journal in 1997, the day after Anthony Martinez was raped and murdered. (The police have this book in evidence and actually presented this page of it as evidence in the Federal trial to kill me, though they never referred to it in their arguments, so the reason that they presented it remains unclear)
This poem came to me while I was driving away from Indio, California (where I am presently jailed). I had to stop to write it down. It seemed important. It ended up being prophetic in a way I could never have imagined at the time I wrote it. It was indeed God's Love, as expressed through the innocence of a little girl, that caused me to stop killing and turn myself in.
I know the reason for your hate
And I know the reason for your pain
I know the reason for my love
And I know the reason we're not the same
God's Love
God's Love is the reason
And God's Love will bring you down.
I wrote the above in a small black journal in 1997, the day after Anthony Martinez was raped and murdered. (The police have this book in evidence and actually presented this page of it as evidence in the Federal trial to kill me, though they never referred to it in their arguments, so the reason that they presented it remains unclear)
This poem came to me while I was driving away from Indio, California (where I am presently jailed). I had to stop to write it down. It seemed important. It ended up being prophetic in a way I could never have imagined at the time I wrote it. It was indeed God's Love, as expressed through the innocence of a little girl, that caused me to stop killing and turn myself in.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
There Are No Facts
Modern science is only just beginning to realize what mystics have known all along; that the truth is a potentiality, not a fact.
Honesty is a Contradiction
To say one thing and do another is hypocrisy. But, to say one thing and then say another is honesty. The nature of truth is such that it can never be fully expressed with words. So, if your words do not contradict themselves then you are probably not being honest. In fact, a sure sign of a dishonest person is extreme verbal consistency, usually accompanied by hypocritical deeds.
"Consistency is a paste jewel that only cheap men cherish" - William Allen White
"Consistency is a paste jewel that only cheap men cherish" - William Allen White
Saturday, January 22, 2011
What I Deserve
There is no corresponding element in nature for the intellectual concept of just deserts. Obviously then, no one really deserves to live or to die. And yet nearly all of the pain and suffering inflicted by people against other people is done in the guise of what someone else deserves.
The rapist believes either his victim deserves to be raped or he deserves the pleasure of raping her. The soldier believes the enemy deserves to be killed. And the jurist believes that the murderer deserves to die.
You might think that some people clearly deserve to die, such as a man like myself, who has raped and murdered children. But if I deserve to die, then so do you.
“No man is an island”. And no man exists or behaves independent of social influence.
To say that I deserve to die is to ignore the very reasons that I raped and killed in the first place. To ignore these reasons is to ultimately condone what I did, in the sense that you are allowing it to happen all over again!
Blaming me, and then killing me (a.k.a. Scapegoating) accomplishes nothing. Oh sure, it temporarily relieves the anguish that is primarily caused by fear. That is, it prettends to remove the problem, while at the same time making the real problem get worse, usually much worse.
The problem in my case was that I was rejected and punished by society for perfectly natural behavior that resulted from confusion as a child over the very mixed signals I got over my sexual feelings. The problem was exacerbated by societies own irrational anxieties over juvenile sexual interests. I acted out of my confusion with no intentional malace. And for the one hour of sexual imposition that I forced on another boy I was sent to prison for 20 years, where I was convinced by means of psychological torture that I was a “sexual psychopath”, and repeatedly raped and physically abused by other inmates. And when I finally got out of prison I found no hope of social redemption, or acceptance.
The boy I raped became a man who is to this day convinced that I got what I deserved because of what I did to him. He thinks being forced once to swallow another boy's semen has “scared him for life”. He seems to have no idea of what it's like to be the confused boy who made him swallow the semen. Even then, when I was but 16 years old, I would have traded my misery for his in a heartbeat. He at least has sympathy and compassion for his one confusing experience. All I got was a lifetime of much much worse pain and confusion, with no sympathy at all.
And so is it really any surprize that after I started to realize that I wasn't a “sexual psychopath” at all, that I had (and have) a real heart that was sorely wounded, and yet I was systematically forced to play the role of the “monster”, a role I despised... is it then any wonder that I wanted justice?
I quickly realized, as all convicts do, that if I wanted any justice at all I would have to take it for myself. And so I did; indeed, so I did.
And now I only laugh, morbidly, when I think about how society thinks I “deserve to die”. If anyone could ever deserve to die then I am certainly one. But, so was Jesus. After all, his crimes (open blaspheme) in that day and age were considered far worse then child rape or even murder. A man who killed a common child in those days would have been sued for the value of the lost child, not even criminally charged (unless he could not pay the restitution, and that would have been a completely seperate offense). But a man who blasphemed was the lowest of the low! It was an attack on what society at the time considered most sacred and innocent of all. Why else do you think they spit on him and demanded that he be crucified? In their eyes Jesus got exactly what he deserved. Only Pontius Pilate saw the insanity of it because it wasn't his image of god that was blasphamed.
So I laugh, yet I cry at the same time when I think of all the children yet to be raped and murdered because they live in a society that does not yet know how to take responsibility for what its citizens do. And I cry even more for all the children in our society who grow up to be men like me, still confused by their own behavior and even their own thoughts because the world they live in offers them no help, no understanding, and no sympathy at all. Society attacks such men with the same hatred and vehemence that it once attacked Jesus with. And, for the same fundamental reasons; blaspheme of sacred social images of the holy and innocent.
(No, I'm not suggesting child rape should be condoned. All I'm saying is that children would not get raped if we learned to take responsibility for when it happens instead of blaming the rapist and “putting him away” or “punishing” him. After I was arrested as a 16 year old boy, I wanted “help” more than anything in the world. I knew there was something ”wrong” with me, but I didn't know what. Almost all so-called “sex offenders” feel exactly the same way, at least they do the first time they get in trouble, but after that they quickly learn that there is no help, so they almost always eventually resolve to just “be what they are” and keep on hurting themselves and other people. All of which is completely unnecessary, if instead of blaming them and punishing them we simply asked them, “What's wrong?”. Then listen to what they tell us, and sincerely try to help!)
The only solution is really so simple that I frequently cry when I think about how so many people (especially children) suffer so unnecessarily. The solution to crime is love (understanding), anything else is just more crime.
The rapist believes either his victim deserves to be raped or he deserves the pleasure of raping her. The soldier believes the enemy deserves to be killed. And the jurist believes that the murderer deserves to die.
You might think that some people clearly deserve to die, such as a man like myself, who has raped and murdered children. But if I deserve to die, then so do you.
“No man is an island”. And no man exists or behaves independent of social influence.
To say that I deserve to die is to ignore the very reasons that I raped and killed in the first place. To ignore these reasons is to ultimately condone what I did, in the sense that you are allowing it to happen all over again!
Blaming me, and then killing me (a.k.a. Scapegoating) accomplishes nothing. Oh sure, it temporarily relieves the anguish that is primarily caused by fear. That is, it prettends to remove the problem, while at the same time making the real problem get worse, usually much worse.
The problem in my case was that I was rejected and punished by society for perfectly natural behavior that resulted from confusion as a child over the very mixed signals I got over my sexual feelings. The problem was exacerbated by societies own irrational anxieties over juvenile sexual interests. I acted out of my confusion with no intentional malace. And for the one hour of sexual imposition that I forced on another boy I was sent to prison for 20 years, where I was convinced by means of psychological torture that I was a “sexual psychopath”, and repeatedly raped and physically abused by other inmates. And when I finally got out of prison I found no hope of social redemption, or acceptance.
The boy I raped became a man who is to this day convinced that I got what I deserved because of what I did to him. He thinks being forced once to swallow another boy's semen has “scared him for life”. He seems to have no idea of what it's like to be the confused boy who made him swallow the semen. Even then, when I was but 16 years old, I would have traded my misery for his in a heartbeat. He at least has sympathy and compassion for his one confusing experience. All I got was a lifetime of much much worse pain and confusion, with no sympathy at all.
And so is it really any surprize that after I started to realize that I wasn't a “sexual psychopath” at all, that I had (and have) a real heart that was sorely wounded, and yet I was systematically forced to play the role of the “monster”, a role I despised... is it then any wonder that I wanted justice?
I quickly realized, as all convicts do, that if I wanted any justice at all I would have to take it for myself. And so I did; indeed, so I did.
And now I only laugh, morbidly, when I think about how society thinks I “deserve to die”. If anyone could ever deserve to die then I am certainly one. But, so was Jesus. After all, his crimes (open blaspheme) in that day and age were considered far worse then child rape or even murder. A man who killed a common child in those days would have been sued for the value of the lost child, not even criminally charged (unless he could not pay the restitution, and that would have been a completely seperate offense). But a man who blasphemed was the lowest of the low! It was an attack on what society at the time considered most sacred and innocent of all. Why else do you think they spit on him and demanded that he be crucified? In their eyes Jesus got exactly what he deserved. Only Pontius Pilate saw the insanity of it because it wasn't his image of god that was blasphamed.
So I laugh, yet I cry at the same time when I think of all the children yet to be raped and murdered because they live in a society that does not yet know how to take responsibility for what its citizens do. And I cry even more for all the children in our society who grow up to be men like me, still confused by their own behavior and even their own thoughts because the world they live in offers them no help, no understanding, and no sympathy at all. Society attacks such men with the same hatred and vehemence that it once attacked Jesus with. And, for the same fundamental reasons; blaspheme of sacred social images of the holy and innocent.
(No, I'm not suggesting child rape should be condoned. All I'm saying is that children would not get raped if we learned to take responsibility for when it happens instead of blaming the rapist and “putting him away” or “punishing” him. After I was arrested as a 16 year old boy, I wanted “help” more than anything in the world. I knew there was something ”wrong” with me, but I didn't know what. Almost all so-called “sex offenders” feel exactly the same way, at least they do the first time they get in trouble, but after that they quickly learn that there is no help, so they almost always eventually resolve to just “be what they are” and keep on hurting themselves and other people. All of which is completely unnecessary, if instead of blaming them and punishing them we simply asked them, “What's wrong?”. Then listen to what they tell us, and sincerely try to help!)
The only solution is really so simple that I frequently cry when I think about how so many people (especially children) suffer so unnecessarily. The solution to crime is love (understanding), anything else is just more crime.
Friday, January 21, 2011
The Cause of Understanding
The only thing I have to be ashamed of is shame itself. There is no shame in being an ignorant fool, it is only shameful to deny that you are one. To be such a fool is the very definition of being human. To deny our foolishness is the cause of shame. To embrace it is the cause of understanding.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
The Power of One
When two or more people bond to each other, a synergistic consciousness arises that has the power to take over and direct the lives of the individuals who comprise the bonded unit. We normally take this for granted and seldom realize the extent that this higher consciousness dictates our lives when we are a member of such a unit. Instead we continue to perceive our thoughts and actions as our own. But if we question the source of our motivations, and if we question them honestly, such as through deep contemplative meditation, we soon find that strikingly few if any of our thoughts originate in our own mind. They are the result of our extremely complex unconscious experiences, which are determined by the groups or units that we are bonded to, such as family, community, world, and ultimately the universe. This process of unification occures on all levels of nature and consciousness. Quarks bond to form mesons, mesons (electrons, protons, etc...) bond to form atoms, atoms bond to make molecules, molecules form compounds, compounds (proteins, amino acids, etc...) become cells, cells bond to make organisms, and organisms bond to create us. But it doesn't stop there. We bond together as families, and families form communities, which make districts, states and nations. Nations bond (ultimately) to form hemispheres... which comprise the world. Actually, all bonded units are polorized into what you might call hemispheres. Male-Female, The Left and Right, and The East and West. Of course, it is what the Chinese have long called yin and yang. All bonded entities have yin and yang.
All bonded entities have yin and yang.
The synergy of bonding is so common that the language of every culture, even the most primative, revolves around it. Our most important and meaningful words reflect it. When we speak of love, we speak of this bonding force that any poet knows has a life and will all its own. All religions attempt to appease it by honoring it. Whether we call it love, or God, or life force, it is all the same. I call it consciousness, but only because that word best expresses my own experience with it. (I actually call it many things: “The Living Truth” was my favorite for a while after the first time I directly experienced it.) But it does not matter what we call it. It only matters that we recognize it, and acknowledge its devine soveriegnty.
All bonded entities have yin and yang.
The synergy of bonding is so common that the language of every culture, even the most primative, revolves around it. Our most important and meaningful words reflect it. When we speak of love, we speak of this bonding force that any poet knows has a life and will all its own. All religions attempt to appease it by honoring it. Whether we call it love, or God, or life force, it is all the same. I call it consciousness, but only because that word best expresses my own experience with it. (I actually call it many things: “The Living Truth” was my favorite for a while after the first time I directly experienced it.) But it does not matter what we call it. It only matters that we recognize it, and acknowledge its devine soveriegnty.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Blade of Truth
This blog is written in such a manner that anyone who knows what they are looking for will find it here, then hopefully quickly go away. But those who do not know, well, perhaps they will find what they are looking for too, but it won't be in this blog; it will be inside themselves.
The truth can never be written. But when it is written about, it can have many edges that can cut many ways. My hope in writing this blog about the truth, is to dull some of the more dangerous edges, while leaving the most important edge safely burried, but sharp as ever.
In the hands of an ignorant person – like a scalpel in the hands of a child – my words can do considerable damage. Not to me, but to others, especially the ignorant person wielding these words so foolishly.
But in the heart of an honest person, these same words can cut away calloused deception in the darkest (unconscious) recesses of the mind, exposing profound truths that may not always appear very beautiful at first. I cannot say what those truths will be, or even how they will appear. But I can tell you much about what the calloused deception looks like.
And that's what this blog is all about.
The truth can never be written. But when it is written about, it can have many edges that can cut many ways. My hope in writing this blog about the truth, is to dull some of the more dangerous edges, while leaving the most important edge safely burried, but sharp as ever.
In the hands of an ignorant person – like a scalpel in the hands of a child – my words can do considerable damage. Not to me, but to others, especially the ignorant person wielding these words so foolishly.
But in the heart of an honest person, these same words can cut away calloused deception in the darkest (unconscious) recesses of the mind, exposing profound truths that may not always appear very beautiful at first. I cannot say what those truths will be, or even how they will appear. But I can tell you much about what the calloused deception looks like.
And that's what this blog is all about.
The Ultimate Uncertainty Principle
The ultimate uncertainty principle says: It is not possible to know you are right and to be right at the same time.
This is perhaps the most profound realization I have had yet. It has the power to change the world, if it could ever be understood and embraced. But by its own assertion, it cannot be understood by direct observation.
Like Heisenburg's uncertainty principle, which says that observable quantities like position and momentum cannot be precisely known at the same time, this ultimate principle pins down the enigma of the dual nature of all energy and matter, including consciousness itself.
If consciousness is a form of energy, then Einstein proved over a hundred years ago that it is interchangeable with matter (by his most famous equation: e=mc^2). So why should we be surprized to find in quantum mechanic experiments that consciousness seems to effect matter?
In fact, consciousness, as quantum theory predicts, exists in both wave and particle form at the same time. We routinely observe this dual nature of consciousness all the time. We call it the conscious and unconscious mind.
The conscious mind (our individual consciousness) is the manifested “particle” state of conscious energy. The unconscious mind is the probability “wave” form of conscious energy. So every thought we have is manifested consciousness and the “silence” between thoughts is infinite conscious potential (the probability wave).
In order for something to be right, it must be the truth and it must be real (truth and real being pretty much the same thing). If something is true and real then it is also right. But a thought, which is a manifestation of infinite probability, is not real. It exists finitely, at a point in time. So nothing we can ever think will have the quality of infinity. Therefor, neither can it be real, as only something infinite can be said to be real at all (this should be self evident when carefully contemplated). Only infinite consciousness is real. So only a person who exists in a state of infinite consciousness can be right! Any thought such a person has of being right will immediately expell them from the state of infinite consciousness into a state of finite consciousness. This is the same thing that happens when a quantum of energy is observed. It becomes finite, as numerous scientific experiments confirm. (It is the “Quantum Enigma”)
This is perhaps the most profound realization I have had yet. It has the power to change the world, if it could ever be understood and embraced. But by its own assertion, it cannot be understood by direct observation.
Like Heisenburg's uncertainty principle, which says that observable quantities like position and momentum cannot be precisely known at the same time, this ultimate principle pins down the enigma of the dual nature of all energy and matter, including consciousness itself.
If consciousness is a form of energy, then Einstein proved over a hundred years ago that it is interchangeable with matter (by his most famous equation: e=mc^2). So why should we be surprized to find in quantum mechanic experiments that consciousness seems to effect matter?
In fact, consciousness, as quantum theory predicts, exists in both wave and particle form at the same time. We routinely observe this dual nature of consciousness all the time. We call it the conscious and unconscious mind.
The conscious mind (our individual consciousness) is the manifested “particle” state of conscious energy. The unconscious mind is the probability “wave” form of conscious energy. So every thought we have is manifested consciousness and the “silence” between thoughts is infinite conscious potential (the probability wave).
In order for something to be right, it must be the truth and it must be real (truth and real being pretty much the same thing). If something is true and real then it is also right. But a thought, which is a manifestation of infinite probability, is not real. It exists finitely, at a point in time. So nothing we can ever think will have the quality of infinity. Therefor, neither can it be real, as only something infinite can be said to be real at all (this should be self evident when carefully contemplated). Only infinite consciousness is real. So only a person who exists in a state of infinite consciousness can be right! Any thought such a person has of being right will immediately expell them from the state of infinite consciousness into a state of finite consciousness. This is the same thing that happens when a quantum of energy is observed. It becomes finite, as numerous scientific experiments confirm. (It is the “Quantum Enigma”)
Friday, January 7, 2011
The Rise and Fall of Death
The modern scientific view, that natural death caused by aging is a disease, is perhaps the most fatal error science has ever made. In the day that we perfect a “cure” for aging death itself will rise up as the supreme ruler of this world. In that day humans, who previously only anticipated death with trepidation, will universally fear death more than the loss of their soul. In that day death will become the ultimate source of fear, and by said virtue, the ultimate despot over the entire world (or at least the parts that have “the cure”).
Fortunately, every prophecy of this event – and there are many such prophecies – also predicts that death's reign will be very short and disasterous. But we don't need prophecies to tell us this future. It is written plainly throughout our history.
Fortunately, every prophecy of this event – and there are many such prophecies – also predicts that death's reign will be very short and disasterous. But we don't need prophecies to tell us this future. It is written plainly throughout our history.
According To The Laws Of Physics
According to the known laws of physics, if life is eternal then it must also be infinite. That means that in order for life to stretch forward into infinity, it must by definition also stretch backward into infinity. This is the meaning of the saying, “If it has a beginning, then it has an end”.
Also according to the laws of physics, if life is infinite in time then it must also be infinite in space. Einstein proved over a hundred years ago that time and space are one and the same thing. And since then, that proof has become a foundation of all modern physics. So in order for one person to have eternal life, all life must be eternal and all life must be one and the same life. This is the meaning of the saying, “There can be only one (eternal being)”.
And alas, according to the laws of physics, if all life is eternal, then every finite experience we have in life is locked into infinity. That means it is predetermined and undetermined at the same time. In physics they call this a state of superposition. It is the meaning of the saying, “If it has an end, then it already has”.
Also according to the laws of physics, if life is infinite in time then it must also be infinite in space. Einstein proved over a hundred years ago that time and space are one and the same thing. And since then, that proof has become a foundation of all modern physics. So in order for one person to have eternal life, all life must be eternal and all life must be one and the same life. This is the meaning of the saying, “There can be only one (eternal being)”.
And alas, according to the laws of physics, if all life is eternal, then every finite experience we have in life is locked into infinity. That means it is predetermined and undetermined at the same time. In physics they call this a state of superposition. It is the meaning of the saying, “If it has an end, then it already has”.
The Ultimate Servant
A true understanding of eternal life must not devalue life in the present. “Heaven” cannot be a place in space and time. Which means that it is not some place you go after you die (or otherwise leave this world). Heaven must exist in the here and now. Otherwise it is meaningless and even contrary to the Ultimate (Devine) Truth. Why this is so should be self evident under honest introspection.
A true understanding of eternal life will only enhance life in the present. It will cause our current existence to take on profound meaning and purpose. When we understand and believe our infinite nature then all struggle against death ceases. Death becomes our obedient servant, and safe to ignore; no longer a tyrannical master demanding our constant attention.
A true understanding of eternal life will only enhance life in the present. It will cause our current existence to take on profound meaning and purpose. When we understand and believe our infinite nature then all struggle against death ceases. Death becomes our obedient servant, and safe to ignore; no longer a tyrannical master demanding our constant attention.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Bad Actor
The best actors are able to convince themselves that they aren't acting while they are on stage. This is true especially for the stage of life.
For some reason I have never been able to convince myself that I am not just acting out a role given to me to play. I suppose that's why I am such a bad actor.
For some reason I have never been able to convince myself that I am not just acting out a role given to me to play. I suppose that's why I am such a bad actor.
The Mask of Shame
Pride is no more than a mask that shame wears in order to hide from the self. It is a fig leaf that we wear to hide our shame from God. To see this, we have only to consider the pride that is so commonly taken in the clothes we wear. We clothe ourselves primarily to cover our nakedness (the quintessential symbol of shame). By turning the clothes we wear into a symbol of pride, pride is revealed as no more than a mask that shame wears.
Honestly Ashamed
As much as I try to deny it, I am chasmically ashamed of what I have done and for what I am. I have denied this shame in the past because I recognize it as a primary source of my negative self destructive behavior. My attempts to deny my shame have not been motivated by a desire to make myself look better, or even feel better. But, I thought that if I deny my shame then perhaps I would not be ashamed, and my tendency toward anti-social behavior would be at least somewhat alleviated. Now I realize that my shame is not something that will go away just by denying it. Perhaps it will never go away.
I have also attempted to turn my shame into humility, with what I thought was some success. I was certainly humbled. But now I suspect that ultimately while humility embraces shame, it does not replace it. I must learn to live with my shame written on my face at all times, or I am not being an honest person. Perhaps that is all humility really is; being honestly ashamed.
I have also attempted to turn my shame into humility, with what I thought was some success. I was certainly humbled. But now I suspect that ultimately while humility embraces shame, it does not replace it. I must learn to live with my shame written on my face at all times, or I am not being an honest person. Perhaps that is all humility really is; being honestly ashamed.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Nothing Is Random
In order for there to be free will there must be meaningfulness. A choice is not a choice unless the constituents of that choice are given weight with meaning. Without meaning, a “choice” is only random. Random choice is not free choice. Fortunately, careful contemplation has revealed that purely random choices are impossible (this is supported by numerous scientific studies). If random choice is not possible, then only meaningful (free) choice remains. So, life as we know it does in fact have meaning.
What we perceive as random events are really events for which we are not conscious of their meaning (or purpose). Hense, when we witness a violent crime we commonly label it “random”. Or when we experience some natural catastrophy we think it too is random. But randomness is a meaningless word in and of itself. Everything has meaning, this is a self evident truth of being. We can find peace by embracing this truth. We can also find meaning.
What we perceive as random events are really events for which we are not conscious of their meaning (or purpose). Hense, when we witness a violent crime we commonly label it “random”. Or when we experience some natural catastrophy we think it too is random. But randomness is a meaningless word in and of itself. Everything has meaning, this is a self evident truth of being. We can find peace by embracing this truth. We can also find meaning.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Individuality Is Nowhere
When I speak of the perils of individuality (and there are many) I do not mean to imply that we should not be individuals. In fact, if my assertions are understood correctly, then it should be clear that only by viewing ourselves as one undivided being is it possible for us to be truly individual at all!
What I'm saying is that we become more individual only by denying the illusion of separation from the universe. If we see ourselves as separated from the universe, then no matter what color we dye our hair, or how unique the clothes we wear are, or even how strangely we behave, we are pathetically no different than every other delluded person out there. Only by becoming conscious of our true being do we become truly unique, and only then do our individual characteristics (such as hair color and behavior) have any meaning at all.
What I'm saying is that we become more individual only by denying the illusion of separation from the universe. If we see ourselves as separated from the universe, then no matter what color we dye our hair, or how unique the clothes we wear are, or even how strangely we behave, we are pathetically no different than every other delluded person out there. Only by becoming conscious of our true being do we become truly unique, and only then do our individual characteristics (such as hair color and behavior) have any meaning at all.
Infinite Responsibility
I am responsible for what I have done to harm others, but not as an individual. To presume that I, as an individual, somehow am capable of making even the most common decision is an error. Every choice I make, from when to brush my teeth to whether or not to kill, is made as a consequence of literally infinite factors which are impossible for me as an individual to weigh.
So, does this realization (or “claim” as some would have it) somehow release me from, or lesson my responsibility? Absolutely not! It increases my responsibility infinitely! And it forces me to stop focussing on myself as an individual, and consider myself in the true light of my being. It compells me to come to know the eternal source of my volition, since it is clearly the only possible way for me to take responsibility for my actions, past and present.
Only by not striving to know my true infinite self (which means learning to love unconditionally or forgive absolutely) do I shun my responsibility and bring more suffering into this world whether I realize it as an individual or not.
So, does this realization (or “claim” as some would have it) somehow release me from, or lesson my responsibility? Absolutely not! It increases my responsibility infinitely! And it forces me to stop focussing on myself as an individual, and consider myself in the true light of my being. It compells me to come to know the eternal source of my volition, since it is clearly the only possible way for me to take responsibility for my actions, past and present.
Only by not striving to know my true infinite self (which means learning to love unconditionally or forgive absolutely) do I shun my responsibility and bring more suffering into this world whether I realize it as an individual or not.
On My Honor
A man who protects his honor is a fool. If his honor needs to be protected, then it is not honor, it is vanity, or worse, pride.
Honor is the knowledge that you are worthy of existence. There is nothing that you can do as an individual separated from the universe to deserve honor. Honor is deserved by virtue of your existence alone.
This should not seem surprising, after all, it is no different than what Jesus tried to teach.
Honor is the knowledge that you are worthy of existence. There is nothing that you can do as an individual separated from the universe to deserve honor. Honor is deserved by virtue of your existence alone.
This should not seem surprising, after all, it is no different than what Jesus tried to teach.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
The End Is Near
Relatively soon people will begin to realize that there is no space or time.
There is only consciousness.
We will also come to understand that consciousness is the inevitable product of infinite probabilities.
Science will fall, harder than any religion has ever fallen, taking with it all modern social systems (as well as what is left of religion).
Out of the chaos, Consciousness will arise, as the One True Religion, if you can call it a religion at all.
And all suffering in this world will abruptly end, and the new world, that we have been building unconsciously for millions of years, will manifest in the “physical” realm of space and time.
There is only consciousness.
We will also come to understand that consciousness is the inevitable product of infinite probabilities.
Science will fall, harder than any religion has ever fallen, taking with it all modern social systems (as well as what is left of religion).
Out of the chaos, Consciousness will arise, as the One True Religion, if you can call it a religion at all.
And all suffering in this world will abruptly end, and the new world, that we have been building unconsciously for millions of years, will manifest in the “physical” realm of space and time.
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