"What IS reality?" (video) --- "Kiefer89" of WA

Many years ago, I came across two video clips of Jet's that someone, "TheMickeyRat", had taken the time to upload to YouTube, along with a bunch of Jet's personal pictures taken mostly from his step-family's Thanksgiving in 2002.

Jet was an introvert and “spacing out” isn't necessarily a sign of insanity (I do it, and I'm sure YOU do it, too). In his “Reality”-clip, he's on poppers (I asked him specifically), he's listening to "Down With The Sickness" by Disturbed and oh.. that yelling black adult man at the end of the video is taken from a movie called “Animal Factory” (2000), so.. no guys, that's definitely not “another possible victim” of that monster you have created to entertain your fantasies.

Over the 8 years since I left a comment on this «Reality»-video, the responses have been exclusively «negative», I suppose, but at least I can sincerely stand by what I said then.

(Jet and I both enjoyed Pink Floyd a lot, by the way.)

WHY? Because he was REAL (or, at least as real as he "could" be - the vast majority of his letters were read and re-read a few times by bored prison guards looking for reasons to further "punish" him, and the same went for his phone calls, so..).

I was the one who asked him to, preferably in details, share his experience with regards to the Groene-situation (that is, the part before the taking of the kids to the Montana woods). I still think "The Groenes" is my favorite blog entry of Jet's - and I sincerely appreciate them all.

Thank you, Jet. I spoke to one of your sisters a couple of days ago, and she kindly gave me all I needed to know with regards to your ashes (and "final resting place", as they say). Hey buddy.. I miss you. 

"Kiefer89", May 2021

"Unfortunately, there can be no doubt that man is, on the whole, less good than he imagines himself or wants to be. Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is embodied in the individual's conscious life, the blacker and denser it is." - Carl Jung

Joseph Edward "Jet" Duncan III (February 25, 1963 - March 28, 2021)

My soulmate, free at last!

(Jet while attending North Dakota State University)

Today, on the 28^th March 2021, I received a call from one of your attorneys, informing me that you, my Lighthouse, Mr. Joseph Edward Duncan III (the fourth of five children born to Lillian Mae and Joseph Edward Duncan Jr. on the 25^th of February 1963 in Fort Bragg, North Carolina) had been released from this ride that most people call «life», this morning.

Over the course of nearly 9 years, you and I have exchanged (1000+) letters, x number of 15 minute-monitored-and-recorded phone calls, etc.. and, you know, shared some personal experiences.

I last spoke to you on the phone earlier this month (on the 2^nd) , and we agreed to speak again in a couple of days.. and then, someone affiliated with your case calls me instead - to tell me that you have now left ALL mortal prisons (or, «passed away», as they like to put it nowadays). I smiled. Of course, I still do. 

There is no such thing as death. There is only transition.

I love you and you love me.

Your Valkyrja

[via e-mail from Norway, March 28, 2021]

Brain Surgery Aftermath

Part 1: Brain Surgery Aftermath

So, a couple of weeks ago I let some brain surgeons cut a three-inch hole in my skull so they could reduce the mass of a fist-sized tumor that was killing me. They told me even before the surgery that the tumor will most likely grow back, and kill me anyway. The point of the surgery and any follow-up treatment (like, chemo-therapy, and radiation-therapy) would be simply to slow it down, and hopefully slow down the debilitating effects of the tumor as well.

So, I refused the chemo and radiation "therapies", because I saw no advantage in slowing it down, if doing so meant only that I have to be 80% paralyzed on my left side longer, and whatever other maladies (debilitating consequences) the tumor has in store for me down the road (three to six months from now I could lose the ability to speak, eat, or even crap without needing a diaper change (man, that really "hurt" to write that, and I'm sure it will "hurt" even more if and when it happens).

It's sinking in slowly, just how much worse it can (and likely will) get. The worst part isn't shitting my pants (which thankfully I haven't done yet, not being able to feel or use my left hand (thank God I still have nearly 100% use of my right hand (my writing hand!). The worst part, and what I dread the most, is losing my ability to think clearly, and solve simple problems, like just covering myself with a blanket to get warm so I can sleep. I never thought of such things as a "skill" before. But, not being able to do such simple tasks, without getting confused and frustrated, has changed my perspective on what a "skill" even is. 

Part 2: How It All Fits (Understanding, Love, Judgment, Hate, etc.)

Love is understanding.

Understanding is the absence of judgment (i.e. forgiveness, which is also love, proper).

Faith is the absence of fear (and vice versa). Fear prevents understanding, and thereby is the enemy of love.

Hate is a form of ignorance, which then is a lack of understanding accompanied by fear - find the fear, confront it, and then understanding will arise. This is the simplest form of a miracle (a.k.a. "healing").

Innocence is the ability to understand without judgment (i.e. recognized by a complete absence of fear).

Ignorance is a form of false understanding that twists the mind's ability to perceive and understand anything (i.e. ignorance is insanity, which is also judgment without understanding). There can be no judgment with understanding (if you read the above carefully, with understanding (i.e. without judgment), this impossibility will be self-evident.

Judgment invokes fear, and hatred.

Understanding invokes faith, and love.

Understanding is the comprehension that occurs when we see the connection, and/or relationships between two or more principles. It's really very simple, once you see the relationships/connections, i.e. once you understand.

Part 3: P.S. They're watching me now

I can't even articulate how I know they're watching me; I just do. And I know why, even though I can't tell you that either. If I said (wrote) the reason then they'd just change it. They change the reasons for what they do all the time --- that's why they say "the reasons" don't matter in the end, only the consequence matters.

I agree that the reasons don't matter. They never do. Reasons are never more than a form of judgment that catch up with us in the end.

[J.D. Nov 5. 2020]

This Is Death

I do not seek death, though I know that death seeks me. 

So, I will welcome it when it comes, because I know in my heart that there is no reason to fear death. Yes, death is just a void, but it is not empty as most assume. In fact, it is within the void of death that everything we call life happens. We live within the void of death already, so fearing it makes no sense. Life is just a dream of death. Death itself might even consider life to be a nightmare, and in some ways it may even fear life more than we often fear death. In this sense, perhaps fearing death is the same as fearing life; it is equally nonsensical. To reject or fear death in one's heart/mind is no less than rejecting and/or fearing life.

J.D. Nov. 18, 2020

All Lives Matter

At a protest I saw on T.V. a couple of weeks ago there was a young black woman calling for all "whites" in the crowd to move to the front and face police in riot gear in order to feel what it's like to be "black" for at least a few minutes.

If I were in that crowd (protesting systematic racism and injustice), I would have been very offended by her suggestion, which directly implies that because I'm "white", I don't understand what it's like to be "black". THAT IS RACISM!

If any person is treated unjustly by our social system, then we are all responsible, and "victims" (i.e. we all suffer the consequences). The white police officer now facing murder charges for the callous murder of a black man is as much a "victim" of "systematic racism" as the man he killed. And so am I, even though I'm as "white" as they come, and was locked in a cell on death row when it happened.

The problem isn't racial, or sexual, or even ideological. The problem is that we can't see how connected we all really are! No person ever acts, or thinks, or feels, or suffers, independently. The illusion of independent experience is necessary for our survival (as animals). It permits us to behave in our own interest, which is necessary for motivation (to eat, find shelter, reproduce, etc.) and provides a sense of autonomy and self-worth.

But, when we become completely detached from the reality of our inter-dependence, not only with other people, but with the planet herself, then we lose touch with the one and only thing (literally) that can "save" us, and solve all our problems. We become fearful, and suspicious, seeing anything that is different than what we are use to as a threat, or "them"; bad guys, criminals, witches, Jews, druggies, homos, sex offenders, psychopaths, blacks, whites, men, woman; us, and them.

In the end we must realize that ALL lives matter, and stop using labels to define and separate ourselves from the broadest consequences of our experience. The "solution" is to stop believing in the illusion of independence, and see it instead for what it is. Like the sun, we need it to survive. But if we turn to it for solutions to problems that we create for ourselves, thinking we must "do something" as individuals in order to "fix" things, then we end up only making the problem worse.

Our individualism and independence are not sacred things that we need to protect, honor, and appease in order to prosper. It is there for a reason that if we ever hope to understand (and use to our advantage) we must first stop seeing it as something sacred and holy, and start looking at it - and the problems that come with it - as something to be objectively studied and understood. We need to stop pretending that if we can just come up with the right ritual, make the right sacrifice, or invent the right law, then everything will be okay. That's not how problems get solved.

We need to stop inventing slogans, punishing "bad guys" and making laws that usually end up doing more harm than good, and making the problem worse (often by pushing it "out of sight" where it can dig deeper and fester). Instead we should be applying the problem-solving tools we have and that we know work, like trial and error (not trial and punishment), or simply scientific analysis (not pseudo-science).

Instead of making laws meant to "fix" the problem, why not make a law instead that requires all laws to state clear objectives that if not met within a state time frame are repealed and analyzed so better laws, also subject to automatic appeal and analysis, can take its place? I know that sounds simpler than it would turn out to be, and it'd require a nearly complete overhaul of our current (dysfunctional) system. But, isn't that what everyone wants?

Imagine a law that requires police departments to reduce crime by clearly defined and measured margins, and provides the means (any means) for doing so. And if it doesn't work then we repeal the law and study why, just like a real scientific experiment.

Of course the naysayers will argue that we can't "experiment" on society. And I'd say, why not, if it works? Our current system clearly doesn't work, not even a little. I personally can't imagine any system of laws (which are imposed upon a population) that will ever "work" in the long run. I like to imagine a world (with humans in it) where order is allowed to arise from chaos, the way it does in nature (with or without us). But that world is a long way off. So for now, if we could just collectively admit that we don't know what the hell we are doing, and from there take steps in as many directions as necessary in order to find a path that goes somewhere (instead of in descending spirals), anywhere else!

[J.D. June 18, 2020]

"Science is not a body of facts. Science is a method for deciding whether or not what we choose to believe has basis in the laws of nature or not." - Marcia McNutt, Editor, Science Magazine

No Hope

I heard a Christian say the other day, "If you have life, then you have hope; and if you have hope, then you have everything."

That sounds to me like the sort of thing Christians are taught to say without thinking, because when you think about what it means it doesn't make any sense.

The definition of hope is a desire with the expectation of fulfillment. Put simply, it is the anticipation of something you don't yet have. So it makes no sense at all to claim that with hope you have everything, when in fact in order to have hope you must lack the thing you hope for.

It appears that equating hope with having everything is some sort of Orwellian doublespeak that authoritarian institutions (governments and churches) use to emotionally rationalize the need for their authority. The message of hope is one that says, "You don't have what you want yet, but if you do what we tell you then you will get everything you desire."

Doesn't it sound at least a little suspicious when you put it that way?`And isn't that exactly what "they" are telling you when they say hope is everything? And most shockingly, isn't that the exact opposite of what Jesus Himself purportedly died on a cross in order to teach us? (Jesus was a teacher and a messenger, wasn't he? So shouldn't his message and lessons be more important than his being?)

When I read the Bible the message of unconditional love that Jesus preached (and demonstrated) seems like the opposite of hope. He insisted over and over that we already have God's unconditional love (and forgiveness, which goes hand-in-hand). So, we have no more we need to hope for? Isn't that the core of his message, that we already have everything that matters, and the only thing that matters? Did he not insist that we should not look here, or there, for heaven (i.e. God's Love), because it already exists within us?

And doesn't the Christian "message of hope" in effect circumvent the very "message of Love" that Jesus preached?

You tell me. is there some flaw in my reasoning, some blindness to my insight that I am missing? I try to remain open to such errors, so tell me where I am mistaken and I will consider it carefully. But, I will not accept some emotionally charged oxymoronic doublespeak as "logic", when it is anything but; especially when it contradicts the One True Authority given to each and every living thing to think and be for themselves, but not by themselves; to be happy, loved, and alive, right here, and right now, with no need for desire, or "hope" at all.

Japanese Perversion

Years ago in Japan the government made it against the law to publish pictures or drawings that depict sexual penetration. And for the purpose of enforcing these laws they made it very specifically against the law to show a penis penetrating the human (i.e. female) body (orally, anally, or vaginally). The result of this has been interesting, to say the least.

Japanese pornographers, in particular those working in graphic arts (i.e. comic books, per se), quickly found alternate ways to sell their sex rags (magazines) by using illustrations of everything but the taboo "sexual act". And in the process they created whole new genres of sexual perversion.

One of the most popular and widely distributed forms of this new sexual deviation is commonly referred to as "tentacle sex". It shows monsters, aliens, and mutant humans having sex with super sexy young females, and showing full penetration, only with tentacles instead of penises. Not surprisingly this "art" is very popular in Japan, where "xxx" porn is otherwise outlawed.

But, there is still another even more popular genre of perverted sex in Japan that also results directly from the governments attempt to suppress basic human nature, and it is one that most Americans would (pretend) to find even more "disgusting" (even though it is widely embraced in America in its "milder" forms).

I'm talking about "sexy school-girls", commonly depicted as young as six to sixteen. This form of "child erotica" bordering on "child porn" is very popular in Japan, and commonly accepted. People don't realize that it became popular around the same time and for the same basic reasons that tentacle sex became popular.

People need sex. If you take away open sexual expression in its most prevalent form (penetration) then people will naturally and instinctively seek "substitutes". Tentacle sex is an obvious substitute. And while the sexualization of children is not as obviously a substitute, it is undeniably a result of the same self-righteous attempts of those who pretend to be "above sex" (and hence, above their "animal nature") by passing laws that attempt to suppress said nature.

In Japan, "sexy school-girls" stand in for "naughty desire" when ordinary "naughtiness" is against the law. In the United States we will allow "naughty" pictures and movies, but we still criminalize "naughty" behavior (prostitution, rape, and increasingly any open display of sexual interest). [Note: in most states the definition of "rape" is non-consensual "intercourse", defined as sexual penetration of the (usually female) body... sound familiar?]

I believe that the reason "sex crime" is so prevalent in the United States is because sexual behavior is so heavily repressed. Just like the rise of "tentacle sex" and "sexy school-girls" in Japanese magazines resulted from laws that restrict sexual expression in published form, the rise of criminal sexual behavior in the U.S. is the result of restrictions against sexual behavior. We resort to rape, murder, and/or children for sex, when we have no other outlets, just as the Japanese resort to such things in their popular publications.

Not everyone in Japan buys tentacle sex magazines, and not everyone in the U.S. resorts to crime for sex. I'm only observing a connection here that those who make our laws would rather we not know about. (I saw a forensic psychology "expert" insist on T.V. the other day - for no apparent reason - that "sex crime is NOT on the rise in America", which, of course, it is, and has been since the 70s when they started passing so many sex laws along side, or I'd say "behind" in the covert sense, all the drug laws.) Check my facts, and reasoning, and comment below if you like. But let me leave you with this one telling clue: Less than 1% of the illegal "child porn" on the Internet shows anal or vaginal penetration (or so I have been told). So what is it that so-called "pedophiles" really want? Think about it, I dare you!

[J.D. February 12, 2020]

What Separates Us

I get really tired of hearing prominent people, especially scientists and philosophers, telling us about what separates us, as humans, from other animals. The idea that we are somehow separate and above all the other species on this planet is as ignorant and offensive to me as racism. In fact, the mentality (i.e. basic reasoning, if you can call it that) behind these two views is no different. And even though we are clearly different than any other species on Earth, we are not special, or separate from them in any sense but the imagined.

And I believe it is this imagined sense of superiority over animals, and each other, that provokes and allows us to behave in ways that make us the single most dangerous and destructive species to ever infest our world. We behave en masse exactly like a cancer that is consuming the flesh and resources of the Earth Herself while we grow and spread unchecked. Our arrogance allows us to ignore all the signs and symptoms of the "disease" we represent.

As I understand it (and please check me in comments if I am mistaken, as I have only my memory and cant knowledge to rely upon here; I can't go to a library or check the Internet as I'd like) a cell must exhibit three qualities in order to be classified as cancerous: The ability to reproduce unchecked; the ability to access and consume resources unchecked; and the ability to circumvent the host body's natural defenses. The additional ability to migrate and survive in different parts o the body is what makes an ordinary cancer cell metastatic, and notoriously the most dangerous and deadly of all cancers.

As a species, we humans have acquired and exhibit all four of these qualities! We can obviously migrate and survive in all but the harshest regions (i.e. North and South poles). And our ability to reproduce unchecked has been a long recognized "problem". But it wasn't until relatively recently that we've developed the means to access and consume resources without limit, and to stave off the natural "immune responses" of the Earth Herself, such as famine, plagues, and massive manslaughter (a.k.a. "war" --- of course we still have many small scale wars around the globe, but nothing compared to the mass slaughters of the 19th and 20th centuries, which I believe were a natural response to over-population).

Of course I'm making it a lot simpler than the reality. Our ability to reproduce unchecked is linked to our ability to acquire and consume resources, and all that is potentially limited by more than just wars and famines and plagues. But the fundamental patterns of how we reproduce, consume resources, defeat natural checks and balances, and propagate our kind is undeniably the same as cancer. The only question is, where will it lead?

I don't believe cancer itself is just a disease. In fact, I believe it is a natural and necessary phenomenon that is ultimately an incredible part of evolution itself. I have no real evidence to support this idea, but I believe it may well be possible that our separate organs and body functions began as the result of "cancerous growths" that became functional systems, like eyes, stomachs, and lungs. If you study how our cells "differentiate" after fertilization you will start to see patterns that this differentiation that are remarkably similar to the way some cancers can be passed from one generation to the next.

The mutations that cause certain cancers do not manifest as cancer until certain conditions are met, such as exposure to nicotine, asbestos, or some other "stressor". People who do not carry these "mutations" (i.e. genes) can be exposed to the carcinogens without developing cancer. This is remarkably similar to the way the mere presences o enough fetal cells causes some of the cells to behave differently (i.e. "differentiate") even though they all share the same genes.

So, are we doomed? I hope not. if I'm wrong about cancer being a natural part of evolution then we most likely will ultimately destroy our host body's (the Earth's) ability to sustain higher life forms. But, if I¨m right, then maybe the Earth Herself has the natural ability to "process" cancerous organisms, such as humankind, far more efficiently than individual animal's bodies can. In other words, regardless of our hubris, Mother Earth may have plans for us yet! Let's hope so.

[J.D. January 31, 2020]

"I" Am Not "Me"

In a letter to my Mom today I wrote once more to her about my decision to stop acting "insane" (stop raping and murdering children, etc.) and turn myself in to the "authorities" (of the present world). I want her more than anyone to understand that there is nothing "wrong" with her son (or her, by retraction), and that there never was (other than the common insanity that afflicts us all). And in order to do that I tell her in as many different ways as I can about the "epiphany" I had that caused me to realize that what I was doing was no more or less insane than the things people (society) did to me when I was still a very confused child (see The Fifth Nail "Confessions" blog for details). I want my mother to understand that her son ultimately saw through the delusions that our culture so carefully cultivates and that provided the insane rational I needed in order to do the inhumane things I had done (and had been done to me). I believe the epiphany I had in the Montana wilderness with my last child victim is key to understanding why I did what I did (rape and kill, etc.). Because once you understand why I stopped, and I mean really understand, then the reason I started in the first place becomes self-evident (hint: because I believed the greatest lie of all, that I am sovereign over my own life and destiny, and hence "responsible" for what I do and who I am).

This realization, that I am not responsible for who I am (as an individual), nor for the things that I do, was the crux of the epiphany I had that let me see through the powerful delusions which were built around the premise that I am (responsible). Once that premise fell so did all the beliefs and rationalizations that depended on it. I could no longer convince myself that I had a "right" to hurt those who hurt me, or to take what I wanted from anyone, because suddenly my personal wants and desires became as meaningless as... well, me.

What does that mean? Am I really so meaningless? Not at all; that's not what I mean. I essentially realized that "I" am not "me". "I" and "me" are two completely different things. "I" is who I am underneath or behind the illusion of "me". And I am responsible for who I am. But - and this is important - I can only be "responsible" for who I am if I know the full consequences, past, present, and future (i.e. eternity) of who I am. And I can only know the full consequences if I am omniscient. And if I am omniscient then I must also be omnipotent, and omnipresent as well if you really think about it!

Yes! I realized in an instant something I knew deep down all my life, but had forgotten and ignored for too long; that I am God! No, not "me", but "I" am. The real infinite "me", not the limited delusional "me" who pretends to have power and control (and responsibility) over what I do, think, and feel. Yes, "I" have control, but the "me" (egotistical) only pretends (as it turns out is provable with certain scientific studies of how the brain makes choices before it formulates the excuses for those choices - excuses that constitute the very delusions of which I speak, of "responsibility" and "control", etc. etc.). The eternal "me", who I really am, decided long before I was ever born - before the universe was even born - who I would be and all the things I would do. And not just that, but everything and everyone else would do as well, which means of course that "I" was the one who hurt "me" as a child! I chose this life, and all those things that I once thought were done to "me" by so many others; by "them".

I realized - or, rather - I remembered - that "I" am the only Being in all creation (or, properly speaking, that I am The Creator!). That's why i kept saying, "It's not about me anymore!" and, "I'm not afraid anymore!" over and over after I had this epiphany. Because I knew, or more correctly, I saw, and I remembered who I really was. "I" am not "me". "I" am God! And as God I am responsible not just for "me", but for everything (and everyone) in all eternity.

[J.D. January 14, 2020] 

Reflections of Me

Metamorphosis of Narcissus (1937) by Salvador Dalí

The Fifth Nail blog has always been written as an honest expression of my most personal thoughts, feelings, dreams, and memories. But, it's not a blog about "me", per se. I believe that I am a reflection of everything and everyone that exists. So, by writing about myself, I am hoping to let people see reflections of themselves in me.

I cannot tell anyone what reflection they might see herein. But, by being as honest and open as I can, I believe these "reflections" will be as clear as possible. The more honest I am, the more clear they will be.

Different people will see different reflections in my words, which is to say that each will take their own meaning and understanding from what they find here. I expect most will never realize it is only a reflection of themselves that they see ("Ye will be judged according to how ye judge others..." etc.), but I suspect it doesn't matter if they realize it is THEIR reflection or not. Because, even if they themselves do not realize what they see is only a reflection of their own heart, the reflection itself will in turn be reflected in them. I believe that is how the intelligence of nature works. Who we are is reflected by the things we do and say, and the more honest we are with ourselves and others, the more the intelligence of nature is reflected in us, whether we realize it or not.

So, being honest, to me, is kind of prime directive in life. The more honest we are, the clearer our reflections will be. Thus I see myself, or rather - my existence, as a kind of mirror, which in itself is unimportant. But, what I "reflect" is everything - and the only thing - that matters. So the better I reflect, which is to say the more honest I am, the greater my service will be to the Living Truth, which sees Itself in me.

(Note: I make no attempt here to describe what I reflect. The reflection can only see and comprehend itself within us. We cannot see or comprehend what we ourselves reflect, and I believe it is a grave mistake to think we can. I call this mistake "judgment", but it has been recognized and called many other things, such as "sin", "fear", "ignorance". But no matter what it is called, it is a blemish on the mirror our souls are meant to be. We are not made to judge or even comprehend our existence; we were made simply to reflect, and perhaps appreciate, the Truth that is reflected in us all, the Truth that I like to call, "The Living Truth" - but also has many names.)

[J.D. October 24, 2019]

The Voice of Reason

Religion says: Trust me, I have it all figured out.
Reason says: Trust no one, and figure it out for yourself.

Religion says: Serve me, and I will serve you.
Reason says: Serve yourself, and you will serve me.

Religion says: Believe in me, and I will save you.
Reason says: Believe in yourself, and we will save each other.

Religion says: Have faith without question.
Reason says: Question everything, especially faith.

Religion says: I am for certain.
Reason says: Nothing is for certain.

Religion says: Without me, you are damned.
Reason says: Without you, I am damned.

Religion says: I will show you your purpose.
Reason says: We decide our own purpose.

Religion says: Follow me, and I will show you the way.
Reason says: Follow no one, and make your own way.

Religion says: The choice is yours, but...
Reason says: The choice is yours, period.

The Emperor's Balls

We all know the story of the emperor's magical robes. But the moral, while often cited, is seldom considered to its rational conclusion.

Consider for instance the child, whom at the end of the moral points at the naked emperor and exclaims, "Mommy, why is that man not wearing any clothes!?"

In the story, this is the end of the moral. But, in real life, it seldom ends there.

In real life, as much as we profess to admire and even relish the child's innocence, we seldom learn from it. In real life, the child is admonished, and even punished, perhaps just figuratively, but sometimes literally slapped across the face for simply asking such an honest question.

In our modern "enlightened" society, such a child is seen as spoiled, or even corrupted and suddenly, conveniently, no longer so "preciously innocent". The mother is horrified by her child's question. Not because she fears the truth that the child questions, but because she fears her own infidelity might be exposed, for remember she too sees the naked emperor. And in her mind she only sees his nakedness because she herself is "impure", and cannot see the beautifully magic robes he wears!

So the child is punished for simply failing to conform to the socially accepted delusion that the emperor is wearing the most beautiful robes ever made!

This happens in real life all the time. It happened to me as a child in an almost literal sense. I once learned a "dirty" joke from some older children when I was just six years old. I did not understand why the joke was so funny, so I repeated it to my mother in front of some of her friends. She promptly slapped my face and told me bitterly never to repeat such a joke again!

Of course I still did not understand what made the joke so funny, and even less why I was slapped for repeating it. The joke, of course, was in a sense nothing less than a reference to the emperor's nudity. If such an emperor ever existed in real life, then the children of that reality would without doubt make "unspeakable" jokes about his nudity, just as the children in this reality, my reality, make "dirty" jokes about "unspeakable" things that no "pure" person would ever admit was very plain for everyone, including children, to see.

Thus, the "emperor" in my reality is in essence human sexual nature, or more simply, our animal nature. And like the child in the story who questioned the emperor's nudity, while everyone else pretended he was dressed so beautifully, we commonly admonish and even harshly punish our children for being so innocently curious about it. So it should really be such a great "surprise" when one or several of those children grow up into bitter and vengeful adults who openly lament the emperor's "nudity" and even on occasion dare to kick the emperor himself in the "balls", figuratively speaking, by lashing out violently against (i.e. with) our sexual (animal) nature?

That's exactly what I was doing when I so brazenly kidnapped, raped, and murdered all those children, even killing an entire family in the very "safety of their home" that our emperor "dresses" himself with so smugly. I was very deliberately kicking the emperor of this world in his balls hoping that maybe then people would see and admit his "nudity". I realize now, of course, the futility of my rageous actions. People will defend their delusion with their life if necessary (but more likely with other people's lives, as wars are commonly fought, even today by the U.S., and its allies, in defense of the emperor's "magical robes"). Regardless, I still believe the day will come when there will be no more emperors, and no more need to "dress" them, delusionally or otherwise. But, until then, people like me, who were once children questioning the emperor's nudity, i.e. social delusions, and people like Jesus who was doing no less when he overturned the money-changers tables in the temple, will continue to kick the emperor in the balls as long as his balls are out in the open begging to be kicked! (In case you missed the analogy, all I'm saying is that as long as society insists on believing in the "beauty" of things that don't even exist, like "social justice", "safe communities", "the non-sexual nature of children" and "innocence", there will be people like me who compulsively attack the delusion!)

[J.D. September 11, 2019]

As For Justice...

According to my philosophy dictionary, the Sophists were the first philosophers to bring philosophy into the social arena. They were the first to get paid to teach philosophy, and the first to train people for the role of social leadership and administration (a.k.a. politics). They were also the ones who gave us our modern definition of justice in the social context. The Sophists were a 5th century B.C. group of famous teachers in Athens, Greece, and contemporaries of the likes of Plato and Aristotle, who also heavily influenced our modern understanding of justice.

The Sophists most notably distinguished justice as having primarily two forms: conventional, and natural. Conventional justice is what commonly passes for justice in ordinary social contexts. It primarily serves the interests of the strong (those in power), while pretending to provide "justice" for the weak in order to keep them willingly subservient (see Thrasymachos e.g.).

George Orwell illustrates the double standard of conventional justice in his book "1984", where he coined the term "double speak" to refer to the way those in power twist the meaning of words in order to render them philosophically weak and useless. Thus terms like, "justice for all", which is philosophical nonsense (i.e. a contradictory and impossible idea), is used to help keep the weak-minded masses - the "herd", as later philosophers refer to it - from being able to contemplate meaningfully and hence question "authority" (the ones who provide "justice for all", but really provide nothing except justice for themselves, or "just-us" justice).

This is what the Sophists taught to those who were to take power in ancient Greece. Of course politics today is no more than a bizarre puppet show, where the puppets themselves are weak-minded automatons who really believe they have power when they clearly have none (i.e. they are either completely delusional - as in most cases - or extremely egoistic attention seekers; or both). The ones who pull the strings these days do so from behind the scenes, never daring to expose their power, knowing that as soon as they do it will be taken from them, often by the sheep herd itself (which is what the Nazis were trying to prevent, but obviously failed in their own hubris - i.e. they had a valid idea, but not the power to do anything about it - they were weakened by the very "sickness" they sought to eradicate: self-righteous self-perception).

Essentially, according to the Sophists, justice is the interest of power. So conventional justice (a.k.a "modern justice", a.k.a. "social justice", etc.) is an illusion, or literally a kind of false justice that those in power pull over the eyes of the sheep as a means of wielding the power that they invoke in their own interest. To the Sophists, this deception was nothing less than a means of natural justice. Conventional (or false) "justice", is a lie that allows those in power to invoke natural (or true) "justice", for themselves. The truth is that real justice - natural justice, that is - can never be given, or provided, especially not by any systematic or institutional means. It can only be taken by the one who seeks it!

So, the next time someone tells you that it is wrong to take justice into your own hands, realize that what they say is just doublespeak meant to keep you weak and subservient to those in power. The truth is that there is no place else where justice belongs but in your own hands. Justice given is really just-us (those in power) taking the power of justice away.

[J.D. July 12, 2019]

The Idea of Life

What's more important, money or the idea of money?

Physical money, whether it be paper, salt, or gold, has little to no inherent value in itself. (Gold may be an exception here, but only in modern times where it has use in high-tech devices. But, in the past it was just rare and pretty, with no practical value.) It is the idea of money that makes it so valuable. So, I would argue that it is only the idea of money that has value (because of its ability to give value) and not money at all.

And, I'd say the same thing about life. The fact that no one lives forever denies the physical form of life --- our body --- any value at all. When the body dies it will cease to exist and hence lose all value. And yet the idea of life does not die with the body, just as the idea of money does not cease when our money is lost or stolen.

If you understand that the value of money is in the idea of it and not the physical form, then you will rarely have any trouble obtaining the physical form. You may be broke, but never poor, as those who understand this concept often say. And so it is true with life. When you realize that the physical form of life is not what gives it value then and only then will you be able to live according to the idea of life, never in fear of death or losing the physical form which has no real value.

This is what it means to "live forever". The body must die so the idea can live. When you realize this then you will be free from the idea of death, and the idea of life will become your religion.

[J.D. May 22, 2019]

What Judgment Does

It's okay to like and not like. But, when we invent reasons for what we like and don't like, that is judgment, and it never ends well. Trust me, I know. Everything I did wrong in my life, all the pain and injury I caused for both myself and so many others, was the direct result of all the reasons and excuses we invent for what we think and what we do. It was the result of judgment. And everything I did "right", that leads to healing and understanding, only happened when the judgment (especially within myself) stopped and I was able to see things for what they were, without excuse or reason. That was when I stopped killing and turned myself in.

I believe judgment stopped in my case because I was away from the source, in the Montana hills, with only two children who had not yet quite learned to judge. So, the strong sense of being judged faded and weakened to the point that I literally "forgot" what a "bad", "sick", and "evil" person I was. And without these judgments, or "reasons" to fear, my own judgments against those who feared me began to fail. And I lost my motivation, my "reason", and my "excuse" for what I was doing. Without judgment there is no reason to fear. And without fear there is no reason to harm. So I stopped, and turned myself in.

[J.D. May 9, 2019]

Don't Believe In Me (Believe In Your True Self)

If what you believe is based on something other than what you have personally experienced then it is not true belief at all; it is by definition "make belief" --- something you only pretend to believe.

If you dare not question what you believe then your belief is shallow and superficial. Doubt is not the opposite of belief, or its enemy. Doubt is the harbinger of belief. If not for doubt we could not truly believe anything. Doubt is how we test and strengthen what we believe. Only false beliefs are weakened by doubt and questions.

True belief is given, not chosen. It cannot be earned. It is based on what we experience, not what we think. It is demonstrated by what we do without thought or reason, not by the words we speak or reasons we invent. Faith is simply the choice to trust what we have been given to believe, and not to believe what we have been told to believe. Fear is the opposite and enemy of faith. The only real choice we ever have is to have faith, or fear. All other choices are an illusion that we create out of fear, and in lieu of faith.

If you look honestly within yourself you will find these truths to be empirical. You need not believe me nor anyone else. You need only have faith in what you truly believe in your own heart; not in what you think, or what you have been told. Then you will know, as I know, that we truly know nothing. And from this knowledge all life, all experience, all belief, everything, springs eternal, and death itself is seen as the illusion it is.

[J.D. January 5, 2019] 

It Is What It Is

It has come to my attention that much of the content of this blog is perceived as some sort of defense or justification for my crimes. But, it is neither. I'm not trying to tell anyone how things should be or how they should have been. I am only doing this in an attempt to document and show things just the way they are, or at least how I honestly see them. This blog does not set out to argue in defense of any thing "right" or "wrong". It is just trying to let people see with their own eyes what the system so desperately wants no one to see; what is. I'm doing this because I believe in my heart that real change only comes when we see what truly is, not by focusing on how we think things should or shouldn't be. 

It was only because I saw the "insanity" of what I was doing that I changed my own course of action and turned myself in. Not because I realized it was "wrong"; I only realized what it was. And "insanity" just happens to be a word that suits what I saw, in the world and in myself. But, what I saw does not conform to any words. It was death. It was fear. It was ignorance, and it was deception. It was what it was, and that is all. And seeing it for what it was, without words or even thoughts to confine it, was all it took to compel me to go against everything I thought I knew, and to change the way I was thinking, and consequently behaving. I personally did not change. Only my "truth" changed; or my view of "reality". And that changed everything!

[J.D. Dec. 14, 2018]

Holy Children, Holy Shit

If you honestly want to understand why a man would rape a child then all you have to do is look at who we are as a people, and not the man as an individual at all. This fact becomes apparent as soon as you learn something about the history of mankind, and the nature of how we turn to our imagination for relief from our fears.

We imagine that we can somehow control or at least influence the mysterious forces that determine how we suffer, or prosper, by religiously focusing our attention and our willful intentions upon things around us that symbolize those forces. In the past we worshiped sacred trees and rocks. Then as we evolved we began creating our own images in the form of idols and icons placed in holy places known today as temples. And then as we evolved more, and could see through the childishness of our obsessions, we shifted our attention and our reverence over to ideas and philosophies which became the systems of belief that so many billions still worship today in the vain hopes of somehow winning favor in this life or the imagined next.

And today, as science advances our understanding further, we are forced to realize that even our most vaunted ideations are no more holy than the rocks and trees our ancestors turned to for influence and solace. And so we turn to science itself, or at least what some call science. (True science, like true religion, does not pretend to provide solace or favors to anyone, it only offers understanding and perception which those who cannot grasp such gifts try to manipulate into a means of power and influence thus creating all the world's false religions and pseudosciences.) We create our "gods" today out of sophisticated geopolitical ideas that appear to be scientifically validated (but aren't). And one of those concepts is the naive belief that the way we pay attention to and direct our willful intent toward our children will somehow influence and control our present and future lives.

But, it doesn't. Worshiping our children and making them the holy "little angels" that we do these days isn't going to save us any more than some imagined god nailed to a cross or holy rocks erected toward the night sky. The only possible result of such false beliefs is further suffering and even more misery, as all our attention and affection is wasted on futile pursuits.

According to the legend, Jesus himself understood the harm caused by such futility. And in a rage he lashed out against the symbols in his day of such ignorant holiness. And for his "crimes" he was executed. But, what exactly did he do that people found so offensive that they collectively felt he should be killed? He attacked his people's symbol of Holy Innocence (according to Jewish belief, God is the only "innocent" being, and all others, including children, are "sinful" by nature, which Christians continued to believe with the addition of a means to become innocent via holy forgiveness, etc.). So it should be no wonder today when a man lashes out in rage against the modern symbols of such holy innocence, our children.

It should be no wonder because when you make something falsely holy, you are only inviting men like Jesus to tear it down; men who see the falseness, and the hypocrisy, and who have personally experienced the harm that such false worship engenders. Jesus experienced this harm as a child when he and his parents were forced to flee and hide for their lives because some terrified king (government official) felt threatened when the "pseudoscience" of his day predicted that his authority would be challenged. And so today our "kings" (our modern American government was in fact covertly based upon some sovereign model of government from which it came, calling the king, the "President" instead) persecute and condemn the marginalized classes of our modern culture (hippies, gays, pedophiles, etc.) for the exact same reason.

So, history really does repeat itself. And today when we judge and condemn men (or women, or other children) for violating the "innocence" of our children we are really just persecuting them because of an imagined threat against our imagined authority to determine what is "right" based on some pseudo-scientific ideas that hold no muster against the facts of our history. In Jesus' day, children were routinely used for sex, because it was "natural" to do so. And today we see it as "unnatural" only out of delusional need to somehow control and influence our lives as we always have. The fact is that children are not any more or less innocent than anyone else ("innocence" in this sense is just an invented concept). And sexual pleasure is just as natural for a child as it is for any adult. It makes no sense to restrict children from expressing one of their most basic and fundamental drives any more than it would be to expect them to eat only baby food until their digestive systems are fully developed, or to not educate them until their brains are fully developed, etc. etc..

We only worship our children in modern times because for the first time in human history our children are generally expected to survive their childhood. Even the "sickly" and weak children usually survive these days. But, that has never been true before recent times. Our incredible infant mortality rate allows us to become emotionally invested in our children to the extent that they become "holy" sources of emotional gratification. So today we use our children for emotional gratification in place of sexual gratification. And we pretend (or imagine) that somehow that makes us more "righteous". But, of course, it doesn't. It only confuses our children, and brings more rage and violence into the world as those who suffer the brunt end of our ignorance instinctively lash out against the deception, like Jesus, and like me.

[Joseph Duncan, October 2018]   

The Awakening of God

I occasionally refer to God in this blog in order to make some point or other about the true nature of our existence. But the term "God" is often taken to mean some supernatural being above and beyond (i.e. separate from) nature (i.e. "creation"), and that's not what I mean at all!

To me, God is nothing more, or less, than creation itself (i.e. "nature"). The key difference between my understanding of God and most people's belief is that to me the idea that God is somehow separate from nature is ludicrous. God is infinite, omnipotent, omniscient, and omnipresent. That means God must be more than just "in" nature. God must BE nature, both the unknown and all the known aspects, including you and me.

That last phrase, "including you and me," is the key to understand what I mean when I say - as I sometimes do - that, "I am God." It does not mean that I believe I have some sort of supernatural power over you, or anyone or anything else. It simply means that I am you, you are me, and we are God.

This is only difficult to understand when you try to think of it in terms of limited being. But God is an infinite being. God is everywhere in space and time at once. So it is natural for God to be everywhere and hence everyone at once. And that is all I am saying when I say, "I am God." It is not an assertion of power or authority. It is instead more of an admission of my powerlessness as an individual over my own fate. It is an acknowledgement of God's Infinite Being, Wisdom, and Power, not my own.

But, it is important to realize that I am saying God is completely natural. God is the sole source, and the sole witness of all creation. This is a self-evident truth that has been written about and unfortunately misunderstood for many thousands of years. And yet, it is also the sole source of our ultimate liberation, which is freedom from death and yes, rebirth. But, it is not our liberation as individuals that I speak of. It is the very liberation of "God" alone. It is not the end of Creation of which I speak, but the awakening of God!

[J.D. September 9, 2018]

P.S. No one can tell you what this "Awakening of God" will look like, but I believe personally that the next "stage" will be an awakening of the planet Earth. Just as we have awakened as individual animals, so soon the entire planet will awaken, becoming conscious of itself as a living being, and perhaps reaching out and/or recognizing other living planets for the first time in the history of our planet. Forget about spaceships and aliens... such things are merely the best we can yet imagine. After our planet awakens, we will experience a kind of euphoric sense of oneness, or wholeness, and "miracles" will be commonplace. Except they won't be miracles at all, they will simply be the natural consequence of our collective unconscious becoming a collective consciousness.

Monster Myths

Psychopaths are evil monsters that are incapable of emotionally connecting with others the way humans were meant to. Or, at least that's the myth. It is a myth supported by pseudo-scientific "facts" in exactly the same way such "facts" have been twisted and used throughout history to support other insane myths such as, "Jews are a scourge upon the Earth," and "blacks are biologically made to be subservient", and "The seas are filled with giant monsters that live at the fringes of our world and devour all who dare explore beyond the confines of the known realms."

That last one, about giant sea-monsters and such, sounds a bit fantastic to us today, but there was a time when such monsters were considered all too real, and the only thing that protected society from them was our common systems of beliefs (i.e. "the Church and State"). And just like the belief in witches and demons and all other sorts of "evil monsters", these myths were supported by "irrefutable evidence" and sheer "common sense" of that day and age.

Well, this is a new day and age, where information itself has become the most valuable commodity; and yet we still believe that "evil monsters" roam the fringes of our world and devour all who dare venture beyond the protections of the state, and often even the innocent ones as well.

How can this be? Well, it's really no mystery once you are willing to look honestly within yourself for answers and understanding, instead of relying entirely upon the System to tell you how you should think and what you should believe or not believe. If you think psychopaths are real, and are not ready and willing to consider the alternative, then go ahead, take the safe wide and well trod road that our modern church and state has provided for you. Stop reading now, as this blog is not an intellectually safe place to be for any mind. This blog is the turbulent sea at the edge of the known world, where "monsters" reveal themselves to be just as human as you, and have something they'd like to say, and moreover, something they'd like you to see for yourself, if you are brave enough to look and not let others tell you what you should see.

[J.D. August 2018]