It's Not About Me Anymore

One of the first things I told Shasta (the eight year old girl I had kidnapped, raped and intended to kill, but took home before surrendering to the police instead) after I had the epiphany that made me stop wanting to hurt everyone who ever hurt me - namely society in general - was, "It's not about me anymore."

I told her that right after I had picked her up and was carrying her back to the stolen Jeep so I could drive her home. But what exactly does that mean? Or, at least, what did I mean? Well, the answer seems so obvious to me that it has taken this long (almost ten years) for me to realize that it's not obvious to everyone; so let me explain.

Most people will tell you, if asked, that they realize they are not the center of the world, but few people actually realize that not only are they not the center of the world, but they aren't even the center of their OWN world! It's one of hardest things for a human being to realize because 99.9 percent of everything we experience is egocentric. How can we even begin to understand that the story of our lives ISN'T about us when the only central character we ever experience IS us? Anyone who has ever experienced a pure experiential bond (a.k.a. True Love) with another person has a powerful clue; and anyone who has experienced that same kind of bond with the Universe itself knows well the answer!

(J.D. 4-18-2014)