Killing Jesus

By condemning me, society in effect condemns more children to be raped and murdered. The cycle that causes the children to be so condemned is well known and scientifically established. So why do we do it? Why do we ignore the truth in favor of vengeance?

They said that by hanging Westley Allen Dodd they were preventing more children from getting raped and murdered, by «sending a message» to those who would do such a thing. I was in prison in Walla Walla when they hung him there. And I got the «message» loud and clear! Dodd's hanging more than any other single event convinced me that I would never be accepted by society because of what I did when I was sixteen years old (i.e. made a fourteen-year-old by suck my dick, which got me 20 years in prison!). Yes, the message was loud and clear, «We hate people like you and we will kill you if we ever find out who you are!»

Is it really any surprise then that I hid my fantasies, which allowed them to develop completely unchecked by social mores? Is it any wonder then that I learned to lie and deceive people about my real feelings in order to avoid being completely ostracized and condemned before I even did anything? Is it really so unbelievable that I eventually kidnapped children to rape and murder as soon as I could? Isn't that what those whose self-worth depends so much on being able to condemn people like me really wanted? Someone they could openly hate and put themselves above!

All those people who wanted Westley dead will never listen to what I'm saying. Just like they didn't listen to Westley himself when he tried to tell them, «If you kill me, you only make more like me.»

And so now I stand condemned to die. And by killing me our so-called «Justice System» will once again send its message. And more children will be raped and murdered. And more people like me will be condemned. And the cycle goes on. I tried to break it, by taking Shasta home and turning myself in. Jesus tried to break it 2000 years ago by turning himself in and confessing, as I did, to violating society's most sacred symbols of innocence. Jesus wanted to end the cycle of condemnation with his message of forgiveness. But, no one listened then; and no one is listening now.

How many more children must be raped and murdered for our ego's sake? How many more times will the Christians keep killing Jesus before they finally realize what he was trying to say?

[J.D. May 16, 2015]