Understanding Shame

I have said in the past that I am not ashamed of the terrible things I have done in the past. I later realized, and blogged, that as much as I wish I had no shame I could not upon honest introspection deny that it was there.

So, I decided to "wear my shame openly" in the hopes that it would help me become a better person by teaching me whatever it was given to me to teach. This decision has helped me by way of finding new levels of genuine inner peace that had always alluded me in the past. It was as though it wasn't the shame that disturbed me deep down, but only the denial of it.

I'm only realizing now why this would be so. After all these years of living with my shame out in the open, where I could keep a constant eye of consciousness (or "light") on it, I have come to know and understand my shame as never before possible. And I see clearly now that shame is no more than a learned response to the very natural fear of social rejection. In fact, the fear of social rejection and shame are almost one and the same thing, and in effect very difficult to distinguish from each other once this level of understanding (i.e. self honesty) has been achieved. But the difference is an important one, and one that only becomes apparent when we finally learn to accept our shame.

In fact, accepting our shame is what makes our fear of social rejection - shame's true cause - become apparent, because we only experience said fear as shame when we deny it and run from it!

Yes, I'm saying now that shame is no more than the fear of social rejection, denied. As soon as I brought my own shame into the light of consciousness and no longer denied it, it became no more than the natural fear of social rejection. And though I felt this change in understanding at the time, I did not have the words for it until now. But, now that I do have the words, and have put them down here, they "feel" right.

(J.D. 6-14-13)