Son of the One

I have often believed in the past that I could stop masterbating and fantasizing anytime I wanted. I used to think that the only reason I continued to be sexually deviant was in order to “get even” with the System. In my mind, I would use the shocking nature of my behavior to lash out at those who would be shocked by it; my enemy, the complacent citizens that comprise the body and mind of the System.

I needed to believe those things in order to convince myself that I was in control of my life. I needed to blame society for all my problems in order to have any sense of control at all over my life. If I were to blame myself for my problems – and I did not know how I was to blame – which I did not, then the sense of loss of control would be overwhelming. So I had no choice but to either blame society, and retain an illusion of control over my life, or blame myself, and surrender all control.

Ultimately I learned that I didn't have to blame anyone. I also learned that I never was in control, and never will be! I witnessed directly the incredible intelligence that directs my life. I believe now in the ultimate benevolence of that intelligence, since I saw how all the pain and sorrow in my life have been the result of... loving guidance. The blows that caused me such anguish were delivered by the will of the ultimate craftsman as my life was shanped into a work of art that no human artist will ever mimic; a living, loving, faithful, adoring, Son of the One!