The Most Important Thing You Will Ever Know, Period.

Since I am about to convey you the absolute most important thing that you will ever know in your lifetime, I suggest that you take the time now to find a comfortable place to sit in a quiet location to give yourself plenty of time to reflect on what you are about to learn. I'll wait...

Now, before I tell you this most important thing of all, I should warn you that once it has been conveyed to you everything else in your life that you thought was important will of course be drastically affected. Thus, I further suggest that you take a moment to reflect on the things that are important to you and then decide if you really want to let them become less important by hearing what it is that I have to tell you. Do this now...

Also, having the most important knowledge in the entire universe just suddenly dumped into your mind can cause severe shock, or worse, even physical damage to your brain, if you are not prepared to contain the information. So you should make sure you are mentally braced for the impact and willing to accept all risks as well. I'll wait while you do this also...

Okay, there is just one more thing that you need to do before learning this life altering information. This is necessary for my own peace of mind, so that if anything bad happens as a result of my letting you in on the ultimate truth then at least there will have been some contingency. Please at this time make sure that your last will and testiment is up to date...

Alright, I'm sorry about all the delays. But you realize of course that this is no ordinary piece of information that I am about to relay to you. So a little preparation is certainly warranted. And now, at last, I can tell you. But first, I must give you one final chance to make sure you are ready, or to change your mind. Please only continue when you are ready...

Are you ready? Are you sure? Okay, here is the most important thing you will ever know: You are...

(Due to unspecified technical limitations to human faculties of reason, this blog post has been inter rupted and suspended. We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause to your higher brain functions. In the event of complete psychological collapse, call your mother (or some other loved one). Thank you for your patience and understanding.)