A New And Important Insight Into My World

I think that maybe I have finally made another significant step in my progress toward understanding my world, after a long time of patient baby stepping. After carefully and slowly deconstructing numerous false intellectual and emotional structures I seem to have unburied an unpleasant truth about myself that could help explain a lot in nearly every aspect of my life's experiences and personal choices (i.e. false choices, or delusional choices).
Since my arrest I have been insisting that my crimes were primarily motivated by my outrage toward a system that has violated me over my entire life in ways that make a child's rape seem almost innocent by comparison (at least to me, that's how violated I honestly felt). The foundation for my outrage was well established in my mind, and the degree of my violation overwhelming. But now I see within myself that I have probably been using my past experiences (“violations”) as an excuse, to get angry and to claim outrage, in order that I might do the greedy and selfish and craven things I wanted to do anyway.
Would I have murdered and raped if I did not have such strong self-righteous claims to being so extremely and unjustly violated? Probably not. But neither would I have done those heinous things if I were not so depraved to start with. And that is the ugly truth I have only just these last few days found myself facing within myself.
And you know what, it doesn't really bother me. In fact, I am kind of proud of myself in a way, for reaching a new level of self honesty. This new insight into the nether regions of my “soul” is something I could not have admitted to myself a few years ago. The truth was hidden from me behind a delusional wall of outrage and anger. But I took that wall down brick-by-brick. And to me, that is a “real” and significant accomplishment, that perhaps I should be proud of (though I am still very wary of any pride what-so-ever after what I've found behind those walls many years ago, yuk!).
But what does bother me about this realization is this: If it has taken me this much emotional pain, anguish, and effort to discover such an important truth within myself, how much suffering must my world endure before it realizes the same thing about itself? (I am, after all, still only a reflection of the world I live in)