Everything that happens, from a simple thought, to full scale war, is an emotional expression. When we recognize this it will allow us to better understand the insane events that comprises most of our experience.
We mistakenly think of emotion as something intrinsic to the individual being. But emotion is the very blood of all conscious life in the universe. It flows through us to provide not just nurishment, but also the instructions and guidance we need to function as both individual and collective organisms. When we express our emotions (through our behavior and speech) we express the emotions of the universe as shared and dispersed amongst all living things.
A “healthy” person will be a clean conduit of emotional energy, a kind of superconductor. And like a superconductor they will exhibit unique characteristics, such as the ability to perfectly reflect other people's emotions (like magnetic waves) giving them the ability to “levitate” (emotionally), which we might perceive as “the state of bliss”.
But most of us resist our emotions, and by doing so we generate unpleasant properties, such as “heat” (anger, hatred, etc...) and external “magnetic fields” (projected emotional energy).
Though these properties are destructive and invariably cause decay and death, they also allow us to do “work” by providing “power” in the form of motivation and desire.
So you see, being a “resistor” may ultimately be very unpleasant and difficult, but it is a necessary part of life that must be indured for the building of a greater reality. We should not burn ourselves out though, by judging and condemning the resistive properties of others, but instead should focus on our own potential energy and how it can be used to build a better world.
So, even when we see others destroying what we clearly value, we should try to realize that nothing of real value can be destroyed. This is the lesson that life teaches over and over, and yet because we are so focused on the superficial external world, we do not see the wonderful things that are being built to last forever inside of us.
We will all die, but the consciousness that gives us life will live forever. Our emotions themselves should be the only proof we need of this, once we see how they extend into the world around us.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
How To Contact Me At Indio Jail
### I am no longer at Indio Jail, but this post is being retained for the record ###
If you have any questions or comments about this blog, or anything else, then you may write to me at this address:
Joseph Duncan, Prisoner # 200903677
c/o Indio Jail
P.O. Box 1748
Indio, CA 92202
USA
If you want to send me threats and tell me how much you think I deserve to die, then that is okay, but I will never see it, because the jail restricts such mail without even giving me notice.
The jail also restricts stamps, money, checks, pornography, greeting cards, postcards, polaroid or laminated photos, and just about everything else, except plain paper with no stickers, glue, perfume, or other such things. And if the jail does permit me to receive your letter then they will give me only the letter's contents without the envelope. So if you want me to be able to write back then you must write your mailing address in the letter. Your letters also cannot be anonymous, it must have a return address on the outside of the envelope or it will be rejected.
I will answer any letters I receive in this blog, if at all. I am not looking for new pen pals at this time. I may write back to answer personal questions, or if you are a friend or family member of mine, or even a victim.
I will entertain requests to change or even remove entries that you find offensive, and I am especially interested in sincere criticism of what I have written in this blog. So if you think that I am being dishonest or contradict myself then please point it out to me and I will most likely respond to your letter.
No matter what you write, if the jail allows me to receive it then I will read it carefully and thoughtfully, and consider your comments and questions most seriously. I subscribe to the adage that, “there are no stupid questions”. But I will expect you to be sincere and honest, and I will always be the same.
Write soon. :)
P.S.: I anticipate that I will be a prisoner here in Indio at least until January 2011. If you write after that then you should check the Riverside County Jail website to see if I am still here.
If you have any questions or comments about this blog, or anything else, then you may write to me at this address:
Joseph Duncan, Prisoner # 200903677
c/o Indio Jail
P.O. Box 1748
Indio, CA 92202
USA
If you want to send me threats and tell me how much you think I deserve to die, then that is okay, but I will never see it, because the jail restricts such mail without even giving me notice.
The jail also restricts stamps, money, checks, pornography, greeting cards, postcards, polaroid or laminated photos, and just about everything else, except plain paper with no stickers, glue, perfume, or other such things. And if the jail does permit me to receive your letter then they will give me only the letter's contents without the envelope. So if you want me to be able to write back then you must write your mailing address in the letter. Your letters also cannot be anonymous, it must have a return address on the outside of the envelope or it will be rejected.
I will answer any letters I receive in this blog, if at all. I am not looking for new pen pals at this time. I may write back to answer personal questions, or if you are a friend or family member of mine, or even a victim.
I will entertain requests to change or even remove entries that you find offensive, and I am especially interested in sincere criticism of what I have written in this blog. So if you think that I am being dishonest or contradict myself then please point it out to me and I will most likely respond to your letter.
No matter what you write, if the jail allows me to receive it then I will read it carefully and thoughtfully, and consider your comments and questions most seriously. I subscribe to the adage that, “there are no stupid questions”. But I will expect you to be sincere and honest, and I will always be the same.
Write soon. :)
P.S.: I anticipate that I will be a prisoner here in Indio at least until January 2011. If you write after that then you should check the Riverside County Jail website to see if I am still here.
Monday, September 27, 2010
It's About All Of Us
As I write these blog posts I often leave a lot unsaid. As I have already tried to explain, this blog is not meant to inform you or anyone of the truth. It is only meant to be a reflection of the thoughts, ideas, and memories that comprise my mind. It is as honest as I can make it (I very frequently withhold or edit entries that upon review do not seem completely honest to me). I have no intention to deceive, though I am only human and as such may still unintentionally deceive others and even myself. This I realize, and it is the reason I insist that this blog not be taken as an attempt on my part to portray the truth (or my version of it). It is only meant to be a rough cross sectional snapshot of who (or more precisely, what) I am.
So, I leave the gaps to be filled in by the reader's own imagination, creating a picture, not of who I am, but of who we are! As I have said many times since my surrender to the police. It is not about me, it's about all of us!
So, I leave the gaps to be filled in by the reader's own imagination, creating a picture, not of who I am, but of who we are! As I have said many times since my surrender to the police. It is not about me, it's about all of us!
Thursday, September 23, 2010
A New And Important Insight Into My World
I think that maybe I have finally made another significant step in my progress toward understanding my world, after a long time of patient baby stepping. After carefully and slowly deconstructing numerous false intellectual and emotional structures I seem to have unburied an unpleasant truth about myself that could help explain a lot in nearly every aspect of my life's experiences and personal choices (i.e. false choices, or delusional choices).
Since my arrest I have been insisting that my crimes were primarily motivated by my outrage toward a system that has violated me over my entire life in ways that make a child's rape seem almost innocent by comparison (at least to me, that's how violated I honestly felt). The foundation for my outrage was well established in my mind, and the degree of my violation overwhelming. But now I see within myself that I have probably been using my past experiences (“violations”) as an excuse, to get angry and to claim outrage, in order that I might do the greedy and selfish and craven things I wanted to do anyway.
Would I have murdered and raped if I did not have such strong self-righteous claims to being so extremely and unjustly violated? Probably not. But neither would I have done those heinous things if I were not so depraved to start with. And that is the ugly truth I have only just these last few days found myself facing within myself.
And you know what, it doesn't really bother me. In fact, I am kind of proud of myself in a way, for reaching a new level of self honesty. This new insight into the nether regions of my “soul” is something I could not have admitted to myself a few years ago. The truth was hidden from me behind a delusional wall of outrage and anger. But I took that wall down brick-by-brick. And to me, that is a “real” and significant accomplishment, that perhaps I should be proud of (though I am still very wary of any pride what-so-ever after what I've found behind those walls many years ago, yuk!).
But what does bother me about this realization is this: If it has taken me this much emotional pain, anguish, and effort to discover such an important truth within myself, how much suffering must my world endure before it realizes the same thing about itself? (I am, after all, still only a reflection of the world I live in)
Since my arrest I have been insisting that my crimes were primarily motivated by my outrage toward a system that has violated me over my entire life in ways that make a child's rape seem almost innocent by comparison (at least to me, that's how violated I honestly felt). The foundation for my outrage was well established in my mind, and the degree of my violation overwhelming. But now I see within myself that I have probably been using my past experiences (“violations”) as an excuse, to get angry and to claim outrage, in order that I might do the greedy and selfish and craven things I wanted to do anyway.
Would I have murdered and raped if I did not have such strong self-righteous claims to being so extremely and unjustly violated? Probably not. But neither would I have done those heinous things if I were not so depraved to start with. And that is the ugly truth I have only just these last few days found myself facing within myself.
And you know what, it doesn't really bother me. In fact, I am kind of proud of myself in a way, for reaching a new level of self honesty. This new insight into the nether regions of my “soul” is something I could not have admitted to myself a few years ago. The truth was hidden from me behind a delusional wall of outrage and anger. But I took that wall down brick-by-brick. And to me, that is a “real” and significant accomplishment, that perhaps I should be proud of (though I am still very wary of any pride what-so-ever after what I've found behind those walls many years ago, yuk!).
But what does bother me about this realization is this: If it has taken me this much emotional pain, anguish, and effort to discover such an important truth within myself, how much suffering must my world endure before it realizes the same thing about itself? (I am, after all, still only a reflection of the world I live in)
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Resistance Is Futile
My mission on this planet, this time, is to nudge the collective unconscience toward knowledge of its own existence. I have accomplished this mission by setting up a series of conscious energy shockwaves that will overlap and amplify themselves thereby establishing a system of convergent intellectual structures that will disrupt the negative energy patterns currently restraining the desired truth.
This blog is not part of my mission.
This blog is no more than a documentation of my mission in much the same way that our dreams document the individual missions (a.k.a. “purposes”) of conscious entities within the human mind.
You are dreaming, right now.
You do not realize you are dreaming because your mind has not yet found its harmonious niche within the energy fields of the collective unconscious. Once your niche (a.k.a. “your purpose”) is found then your mind will become a conscious energy port. When enough of these ports have opened there will be a flood of consciousness into this world that will wash away all negative energy constructs (a.k.a. “deception”).
Every living being will become unconscious of themselves, and fully conscious of the terrestrial mindbody.
This will be the awakening. It is the cause of all terror in the present world. It will be the source of profound peace in the coming world. We must die to the fleshmind (egotistical self will) and awaken to the spiritmind (selfless devine will).
And yes, resistance is futile!
;)
This blog is not part of my mission.
This blog is no more than a documentation of my mission in much the same way that our dreams document the individual missions (a.k.a. “purposes”) of conscious entities within the human mind.
You are dreaming, right now.
You do not realize you are dreaming because your mind has not yet found its harmonious niche within the energy fields of the collective unconscious. Once your niche (a.k.a. “your purpose”) is found then your mind will become a conscious energy port. When enough of these ports have opened there will be a flood of consciousness into this world that will wash away all negative energy constructs (a.k.a. “deception”).
Every living being will become unconscious of themselves, and fully conscious of the terrestrial mindbody.
This will be the awakening. It is the cause of all terror in the present world. It will be the source of profound peace in the coming world. We must die to the fleshmind (egotistical self will) and awaken to the spiritmind (selfless devine will).
And yes, resistance is futile!
;)
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Freedom According to a Zen Master
“If you seek for freedom, you cannot find it. Absolute freedon itself is necessary before you can acquire absolute freedom. That is our practice. Our way is not always to go in one direction. Sometimes we go east; sometimes we go west. (…) But if it is possible to go one mile to the east, that means it is possible to go one mile to the west. This is freedom. Without this freedom you cannot be concentrated on what you do. You may think you are concentrated on something, but before you obtain this freedom, you will have some uneasiness in what you are doing. Because you are bound by some idea of going east or west, your activity is in dichotomy or duality. As long as you are caught by duality you cannot attain absolute freedom, and you cannot concentrate.” - Master Shunryu Suzuki
Note: Suzuki is, of course, referring to our “moral compasses” when he speaks of east and west. He is telling us, essentially, that we must not forsake our capacity for doing “bad” when we do “good”, nor for “good” when we do “bad”. It is only when we tell ourselves the lie that we are “good” because we travel east (or do “good”), or that we are “bad” when we go west, that we seperate ourselves from the truth and lose our freedom to choose.
I once knew a very wise old woman who lives in Seattle and advocates for the homeless there. When the investigators for my case in Idaho told her that I had murdered several people, her immediate reaction was a dismissive, “Pfeh! I can kill people...” She understood instinctively what Suzuki is telling us above. She was one of the freest people I ever had the privilege of knowing. She clearly knew that unless you have the freedom to go west (do “bad”) then there is no real freedom to go east (or do “good”).
Admittedly, this is subtle and even impossible to understand, unless you are honest with yourself, which is no easy task either. So if you do not understand please do not merely dismiss it. Keep it in mind, and someday when all your efforts to do “good” are backfiring on you, remember what Suzuki says, and perhaps then you will understand.
P.S.: Laws that attempt to restrict a person's freedom to choose “bad” behavior will inevitably result in more of the “bad” behavior they seek to restrict. Instead of making such laws we should instead allow people to explore the “badlands” to the west, so they can see for themselves the undesirable nature of such choices. If we did that then few would actually “go west”, since there would be little reason to, and even those that did would return soon enough!
Note: Suzuki is, of course, referring to our “moral compasses” when he speaks of east and west. He is telling us, essentially, that we must not forsake our capacity for doing “bad” when we do “good”, nor for “good” when we do “bad”. It is only when we tell ourselves the lie that we are “good” because we travel east (or do “good”), or that we are “bad” when we go west, that we seperate ourselves from the truth and lose our freedom to choose.
I once knew a very wise old woman who lives in Seattle and advocates for the homeless there. When the investigators for my case in Idaho told her that I had murdered several people, her immediate reaction was a dismissive, “Pfeh! I can kill people...” She understood instinctively what Suzuki is telling us above. She was one of the freest people I ever had the privilege of knowing. She clearly knew that unless you have the freedom to go west (do “bad”) then there is no real freedom to go east (or do “good”).
Admittedly, this is subtle and even impossible to understand, unless you are honest with yourself, which is no easy task either. So if you do not understand please do not merely dismiss it. Keep it in mind, and someday when all your efforts to do “good” are backfiring on you, remember what Suzuki says, and perhaps then you will understand.
P.S.: Laws that attempt to restrict a person's freedom to choose “bad” behavior will inevitably result in more of the “bad” behavior they seek to restrict. Instead of making such laws we should instead allow people to explore the “badlands” to the west, so they can see for themselves the undesirable nature of such choices. If we did that then few would actually “go west”, since there would be little reason to, and even those that did would return soon enough!
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