Murder Me Softly

I have never said that the reason I did not kill the little girl the way I had planned was because I realized that killing her would be wrong. Because what I realized (superconsciously) was that killing her was NOT wrong. Only believing it was wrong was what was wrong!
I needed to believe that what I was doing was wrong (i. e. heinous) in order to prop up and support my belief that I was a bad person. But once I realized (and I mean really realized) that killing (and raping, and pillaging, etc...) was not wrong, then my belief system fell apart, and I could no longer support it by killing. I did not become a „good person” or a „hero” (thank goodness), I just stopped believing that I was a „bad person” and a „villain”. I stopped trying so desperately to define my existence and realized that I did not need to be anything in order to be alive! I could just be and enjoy being, for the sake of being itself.
I no longer had anything to prove, or dis-prove, so I no longer needed to judge anything as wrong or right. And by letting go of my judgement I suddenly saw „God's Judgement” all around me; what I have sometimes refered to as „True Justice”. So, once someone really and truly realizes that killing is not wrong, then they will no longer be able to satisfy their need to define their existence by killing (they won't need to). In other words, one who does not judge cannot sin, but one who judges has already sinned!
If you think killing someone will solve your problem, whether you call yourself a murderer as an executioner, then you're belief is in killing, not God or even justice. You become a killer by what you believe, not by what you do!