It's okay to like and not like. But, when we invent reasons for what we like and don't like, that is judgment, and it never ends well. Trust me, I know. Everything I did wrong in my life, all the pain and injury I caused for both myself and so many others, was the direct result of all the reasons and excuses we invent for what we think and what we do. It was the result of judgment. And everything I did "right", that leads to healing and understanding, only happened when the judgment (especially within myself) stopped and I was able to see things for what they were, without excuse or reason. That was when I stopped killing and turned myself in.
I believe judgment stopped in my case because I was away from the source, in the Montana hills, with only two children who had not yet quite learned to judge. So, the strong sense of being judged faded and weakened to the point that I literally "forgot" what a "bad", "sick", and "evil" person I was. And without these judgments, or "reasons" to fear, my own judgments against those who feared me began to fail. And I lost my motivation, my "reason", and my "excuse" for what I was doing. Without judgment there is no reason to fear. And without fear there is no reason to harm. So I stopped, and turned myself in.
[J.D. May 9, 2019]
